Hopeless Romantic

I've finally named my obsession. 

Hopeless Romantic:

1. In love with love

2. Believes fairytales can come true.

Check. Check.

I, my friends, am a hopeless romantic.

(Says the girl who broke up with her first love. Says the girl who's dated a bunch of jerks. Says the girl who wants meaning and emotion in a relationship and get's played and tricked to the boys who detach feelings and actions. Says the girl who can't even get a date. )

But do you know what, I will NEVER give up and that means constant disappointment and rejection. I didn't know the meaning of the word rejection until I came to college. I never had been broken up with,.. and unreturned crushes in like 7th grade left no pain. Because I had such a positive up-bringing in the world of love and dating and because I have such a strong desire for anything involving love, I keep my hopes high and they constantly get crushed. But I will NEVER lower my expectations for what I want in life. And what I want is to fall in love and that will make me even happier than I am now.

That's the thing. I feel so naive blinded by the Walt Disney version of love and happy endings.I've waited my whole life for my prince to come and I'm still just waiting. I know that I will fall in love one day, I have faith. But, the difference between me and Cinderella is that I don't have a fairy god mother to come make me beautiful. I don't have a magic mirror telling me that I'm the "fairest of them all." I don't have three colorful fairies and I DON'T look beautiful when I sleep. I don't have have magic hair, fins or an incredible voice. Who does? All I've got is who I am… and I don't know what it takes to get someone to love that, but I sure can't decide for anyone. 

I will know when he's the one, when he loves me as much as I love him.

Blind dates have gotten me nothing but the friend zone. In fact, I feel like I just live in the friend zone. these days. And I love being friends to the guys that I WANT to just be friends with. But the others-not so much.

In "A Walk to Remember" when Landon first talks to Jamie he would have conversations with her in private and he showed his interest. And then when he gets out in public and she approaches him he gives her a "in your dreams would I talk to you" response. I'm a victim of that.In "She's The Man" when Amanda Byne's (hot) boyfriend in the first part of the movie pulls the whole boys can't play soccer card and is too cool with his bros to understand the concerns of his girlfriend… victim. Heaven forbid you boys look "whipped," how uncool to have compassion for the girl you like. In "Dear John" when the two are so in love and so happy, when the girl has dreams and they are separated by war and school… The responsibilities of life and growing up will get ya every time. 

I am not sitting here saying every boy has to like me. You don't have to ask me on dates or kiss me, IN FACT, PLEASE DON'T KISS ME unless you do like me and want me. What I'm saying is, don't lead me on to prove something to yourself, don't encourage girls when you have no intentions beyond a make-out, don't give that "look," don't make the call, don't MESS WITH MY HEART OR MIND OR EMOTIONS. Quit playing games. Sick of that. Sick of expecting a lot, coming to terms, then getting stuck right back on the roller coaster because it's what? fun for you?

Each story has it's own beginning, middle and end. Each story has its perks and its flaws. Each of my stories is one for the books, ones to laugh about with the man I fall for, ones to tell me kids when warning them about the dangers of boys. And how they may not have cooties, but they do have the power to sting your heart.

My mommy got my the best magazine ever, with my girl T-Swift. And in an interview one of the questions was, "Does all the heartache ever get you down?" She said, "I think a lot of people, including me, have had shaky ground to stand on when it comes to love. Every single person you meet - until you meet the right person - is a shade of wrong. So all you're really going to know is wrong, until you meet the right one."

How true are those words. I sure am glad that it didn't work out with most of the boys, because after seeing their shade of wrong, I realized it's never what I wanted to begin with. It's one step closer to finding the man of my dreams, one heartache closer to the end of heartaches.

"Love comes in its own time and its own wonderful, surprising way"