Off My Chest

"She think my life is perfect because I have size two pants and can force a smile." 

Everyone has trials, everyone has problems, I've lost my first love along with most girls in this world, I've lost some really close friends just like most girls in this world, I've lost trust in people I love just like most girls in this world. Just because not everyone has the big deaths, divorces... visible physical problems, doesn't mean they don't experience things in their lives that bring them down. We are all different, therefore we all have our own insecurities.

I work for EVERYTHING I have. I pay for gas. I pay for food. I pay for clothes. I pay my phone bill. I pay my fees. I go to work. I go to class. I make my friends, they aren't handed to me. And some people make it seem like because because I'm more out-going or appear to be confident that I'm not going to be affected by the thorns of life or their words.

I'm not better than anyone. No prettier, no smarter. And sometimes little things can hurt people in big ways. Sometimes big things can hurt people in little ways. No one knows deep into each others soul. We have to understand that. I have to understand I'm not the only one with mishaps, she/he is not the only one... he might be struggling more than me at a certain time in life.

Bottom line. We've got to stop being so egocentric... we ALL see the world from behind our own eyes. Everyone has their own perspectives, ties, baggage... everyone has their own talents and personalities. And just because yours might be different, doesn't mean that someone else's doesn't exist.

In order to be a good friend. I've realized that that's what I need to do. I need to keep my head up, pray to know and be willing to serve and be there for all my friends. I've been working on it a lot this year... being a better friend. And I really though I was doing a good job until people from your past come back into your life and don't look up for a second to see the changes you've made.

Chauncy in our pillow talk was so reassuring to me. The last thing I want is for people to think I'm better than them, that I walk a step in front of them or make them hide behind my shadow... that I can't be inclusive. "That's the opposite of what you're about," is what he told me. And I'd like to think that I have tried to be the best I can about being the exact opposite of those things... I want everyone to feel included, I want everyone to be having as much fun as I am, I want everyone to have the chance to be themselves. And just because myself is being loud, doesn't mean that I am taking the spotlight. Close minds, subjective views, high school, jealousy and it's drama really never ends.

 Just like my problem this weekend to my friends was probably the most insignificant things they've ever heard... it really hurt me a lot and they were able to be there for me. I need to be looking out because I never want to be the opposite of that friend... only worried about myself.

Since most of my original blog thoughts are ending up in friends blogs, I thought I'd steal just a quote. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

It doesn't matter if you don't know what to say. Say anything. As long as they know that you're there for them. And also if the issue is about someone else, bashing on that person with them WON'T help. Be a listener not a whole new problem.

Sorry, I had to get this vent off my chest.