They Build Me Up

Somethings are too personal to publicize and it's not worth embarrassing a person's mistakes for me to tell the background information of this post especially when I'm not even emotionally ready to try and hear the whole story.

It sucks because you say something you really do think about a person. They find out. Then you twist your story to defend yourself. I've done it a million times. And I'd save a lot of petty drama if people were just real with you the first time. Like really, it's happened so much. Me and my goofy friends say something completely out of line. The people find out. And then we pretend it wasn't about that. Who am I kidding? It was. I was wrong. And I made you look stupid for it. And I'm sorry for those times I have done that in my life. Sorry isn't enough to get back those sad feelings though. I understand now. I guess there is something you can learn from every trial. I learned how very wrong I have been in my life. 

If there's a quality about me or something I do that is completely annoying, please just tell me... save me the humiliation now. And if you can't do that... don't be a fake friend to me. I came to college as a trusting girl and since I have learned to not be so naive. This isn't about one instance. This is months of instances adding up.

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All I know is this weekend my feelings have never been more hurt. 

Bryce Boswell cracked me up as always. Hall friends who I didn't even have to tell what was wrong just tried to cheer me up and of course I got a hug in from my boo, Beibs.

Then when things couldn't get any worse, they did.

When it rains, it pours.

And I left my room last night never feeling more alone. I called one of my best friends Luke Despain... I haven't even really seen him much except for a scary movie night fail and ward prayer earlier that night. He has never seen me cry... I've always tried to be tough around him, but for some reason I have such a deep trust in him and I choked out through my sobs that I need somewhere to go.

He immediately offered to come with me. To let me stay. He got in my car. It may have been the stupidest thing he's ever heard, but he tried to relate and understand. He listened. And there wasn't much to say to me...or much to here over my blubbering, but he was there for me. 

Luke and Chaunce will do anything for me. They are my heroes.

I came back to the apartment all cried out. And sat with my other best friend Chauncy Harrison who was reading my blog on my way in, that silly boy. He said, "I hear your pretty sad Lauren." Two words into my reply I broke down again. 

I have never felt so weak and should have been humiliated for how it showed in front of these two guys... but I felt safe. But they hugged me and made me laugh. I had the first pillow talk that came from deep down in my heart for along time with Chauncy, he didn't even care that I was getting his clothes snotty or sniffling on his couch for hours. Most of all they made me feel worth something to someone. They told me what they admired, they made me feel loved and happy... I was broken down and they built me up.

I woke up with a note from Chauncy that I will have in my heart forever. It's amazing to know that even with all my flaws and problems, I have people that love me and are here for me no matter what, even if I'm sad over silly things... I can count on them to truly care.

The best friends have Christlike attributes. These two boys are amazing Christlike friends. They offered me food, blankets, company and a couch to sleep on. They mean the world to me. They saved me. They saved a part of my heart that felt broken by simply being the amazing people they are.

This blog isn't about what was done wrong... it's not really about who said what or even what was said. It's about how I felt. It was the fact that I could feel like a nobody and my whole day can be turned around my the two best friends I could ever ask for.

The best friends are ones who take the time to listen, to understand, to comfort, to keep in line, to be honest with. I hope I can the friend to these boys that they have been to me.

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If you don't have friends like these, two, they're hard to come by... then there are other ways you can also be happy to. Connor told me something that I always love to be reminded of... I am a daughter of Heavenly Falter and He loves me. Everything in our lives happen for a reason... good and bad. No matter what anyone says, God will always love me and be there for me. There's never a moment that you're stronger than when you're on your knees.

There really is something we can learn from everything and He will always be there. Time and time again I'll say it... and I'll mean it. Remember He loves us. He listens to us. Pray.