Behind My Smileys.

I have this thing about myself. I feel like I have a reputation of always being happy. When I'm not, I hate showing it. Sometimes it's unavoidable. When I went through some really bad times, I was just a mess and showed it all the time through things I said. But mostly, even when I'm bawling in my car I would text my friends back with smiley faces asking them how they are or my facebook posts would be about some random thing and not some depressing line and when a friend asks how I am, I tell them "fabulous :)" or "Aaaamazing." When really I'm confused or lonely or sad. 

I'm not saying my life is a lie and I'm always sad. I'm just saying when I am sad, I hate to show anyone, but people really close to me.

Is it a weakness to show you're sad? Or a weakness to not show you're sad when you are? That's tough. You don't want a friend who is just mopey all the time, but when they need someone to talk to, I think they should talk. Or in my case, I think I should talk.

I don't like letting people see that I'm sad. I don't like showing that I can be mean or angry. I just want to be happy Lauren all the time with no noticeable cares in the world. Because in the big scheme of things I am happy. Life just has its twists and turns and bumps in the road we have to get through. :)