Dumpage

I've never been rejected before or dumped. Well except in like eighth grade when Kylee, Brianna and I shared the same crushes on boys who were "way out of our league" (and now pot-heads. What you do to keep your cool rep, sheesh. Hahahaha.)  And I'm not even dating anyone right now. But I'm pretty sure I just got dumped, cut off and rejected. 

And from this I will learn. From this I will grow.

You see what happens is. People get so used to each other and dependent on each other, that there are little fights and then happiness depends on that person. I've had enough nights crying myself to sleep, worrying about people, mad at people, jealous of people who I should've never thought a bad thing about. Sometimes relationships get so complicated and you get so into them that you have to step back and look at the bigger picture. Am I really happy? The answer was no in this fight.

I was getting judged over NOTHING. And I understand where tension could come from obviously, but then I was mocked, stuff was said and bad things were thought about me. When it could've been taken care of in one conversation. You don't come into MY life and MY home and try to ruin me, change my ways, tell me I'm such a bad person. I'm not. When he decided to say sorry, but not mean it... I decided for ONCE I'm going to stand up for myself. And give myself a day to get over it. I was hurt. He pulled out wink faces to girls, he pulled out ex-girlfriend foot massages that I didn't even care about... and really I don't have to be here with open arms EVERY time he gets offended and pissed at me. I don't have to be here greeting him because sometimes I really am not wrong. I am a lot, but no this was an escape from me....blown up on purpose and completely offensive because someone found out they really don't want me.

I said that I wouldn't hang out because I got offended by the stupid crap that just went down. And now he thinks that I'm ditching him to have fun now and him later. That's not it, but can you blame me for not wanting to see him today?? I was ignored.... talked about... judged... EVERYTHING... I needed space. I was completely disrespected and guess what... not gonna go down here anymore. I'm tired of saying this always happens or this is the last time. Last time and the time before that were the last time. 

Relationships are about happiness and love.

And he can't trust me, but I can't trust him to trust me.... so I guess where it's at.

I needed to write this all out because the person who needs to hear it won't even listen.

I have grown up, not a ton. I'm no amazing girl. But my family is important to me. My religion is important to me. And my HAPPINESS is important to me. I'm no high school girlfriend who relies on that one guy to make me happy. Who would change who she is for anyone else. Love me for who I am, not who you want me to be. That is true love. I don't need a boy to make me happy, even though he made me happy all the time...