True Joy

Do you ever have those days when you're just discouraged? Do you ever have those moments that you're just too frustrated to even deal with some people? The moments when you lose the energy to even fake it. Ugh.

Today isn't even one of those days, but right is one of those moments. What happens is week after week, I make a valiant effort to see people, to talk to people, to ask them questions and become genuinely interested in their lives. And then when its convenient for them, they'll think about getting back to me.

not. cool.

It's a constant unreturned effort of friendship.

Yet, I don't give up.

And that's what's I just hit myself in the head for.

Why do I spend so much time thinking about or wanting to be with people who don't care about me??? Why? ... Whyyyyyy?

There's nothing I can do. I can't be mad. I can't expect people to want to see me. But someone I get in this slump of defeat... the search will never end. And lasting friendships that just seem amazing one week, will seem meaningless the next.

I can't be so willing to out myself in these vulnerable situations, by expecting or hoping for things that are not happening. So what I did today was realize other things that make me happy. That I don't need some dumb boy who doesn't care about me... and the reason for the slump was too much distance from true joy.

I can't be so ready to set myself up for failure. So I need to stop focusing on that cute boy, stop focusing so much on the people who don't care... and really looking at those who do...

I looked up those mormon videos on LDS.org and facebook. And video after video I was uplifted by service, by love, by testimonies, by true friendships, modesty... standards. I have to remember the reason I was happy all through high school was my standards and the values I lived by. The reason for my good days are the ones that include the eternal perspective of optimism and my true purpose of being here.

I am a daughter of Daren and Sandy Falter and THEY love me. I am the sister of Austin, Adam, Emmalee, Brooklyn, Kylee and Luke.. and they love me. I am the best friend of Kylee Anna Giesler and she loves me. My grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and snake love me. But most important, I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and HE LOVES ME.

The people I go day to day thinking about, the people I go week to week thinking about, the people I think about at random moments, they may not ever think twice about me. But that is no reason to be sad, because it is not part of their purpose to entirely care about little ol' me. But in the big scheme of things I will always have someone to care about, look after, know, understand and love the little ol' me.