When Life Gets Ya Down

I just feel empty and lost somedays. It's always on the days things don't go the way I want them too, obviously. But I am trying really hard to be this big people-pleaser happy girl. And it's not working. After all that hit me and drug me down this last year, I'd like to think I was doing a pretty good job of the happy face. 

And stupid boys come into my life and start rumors. Stupid boys come into my life and try to crack me. Stupid things happen when I'm stressed and living out of a suitcase and a big pile of all my hang-ups, waiting for a moment just to breathe, let alone complete my move alone.

I have internally been holding in all my feelings. I leave those feelings of hurt and sadness and worry, bottled inside of me and I smile on through. I pretend it's okay. And then some people I have chosen to surround myself with bring me down. They are so self-consumed that they can't see the consequences of their actions and words. Leaving "happy" little me in tears, yelling at the air in my car or just plain tuckered out to the point of another long and pointless "personal day."

And I am done pretending its okay. I don't deserve that.  Because as much as it's great to please people... It can't be at the expense of my own happiness.

I have removed myself from the situation. Thank you Verizon and Facebook for the block feature.

Now I just need to get myself moved in and smoothly sail through this week of recovery.

What I really want, I don't even deserve right now. Because no matter how many guys I call the "stupid boy" ...or how many situations I complain about, it's more than likely me being the stupid one.

I think back to primary days, kindness begins with me. Well I guess I have a lot to work... because people are really NOT being kind.

I need to remember the bigger picture and keep myself on track with that. Loving one another and seeing everyone as a child of God. I love my Savior and how He will care about every little ounce of worry I face, every pain of trial and sin, every tear that I shed. He loves me. And because He loves me and forgives me, I can have what I really want one day.

I turn twenty in nine days. And then I hope to be not AS young and dumb.

Now pull yourself together Laur, because the sun is shining and every day is a day to be thankful for.

I am thankful for a home.

I am thankful to have my amazing Aunt Marci to care about me, even when I don't mop before Friday.

A cousin Colin who deep down loves me even when I forget to buy him apple jacks.

And Karli who jumps right in to help me with my stresses.

I am thankful for my family.

I have the best mom, dad and siblings in the world.

I am grateful that I just had a trip home and that I got to see all my family and best friend.

I am thankful for my friends.

And everyday I count my blessings for the best friend I have found, Kylee Geisler.

I am thankful for all my friends. And so glad I know some really AWESOME guys and gals.

I am thankful for my job.

I am thankful for Jesus Christ.

I am thankful that I have that source of peace and happiness.

I am not ashamed to live His gospel.

Life has its challenges, some days more than others. 

But there is sunshine in every storm.

And I have faith that it'll all work out.

I know that each challenge will help me grow.

I feel better now.

When life gets ya down, just count your blessings.