Desire

As a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we have the opportunity to listen to latter-day apostles, prophets, and leaders in called of God speak to the world on a series of topics. Each is thought out and given through the Spirit. It's interesting because with any talk given in our church, it's not a paid speaker or famous motivational speaker, it's just people like me and you, given a topic and scriptural guide to present a message. The ones given in General Conference are considered scripture, they are considered true words of God. 

The phrase is often said, "the church is true, but the people aren't necessarily," well in this case, the people are. It is so spiritually fulfilling to hear General Conference twice a year for eight hours total in April and eight more in October because we know that every word spoken is entirely of God.

Another amazing thing is that we all hear what we need to hear. When we read the scriptures, we all read what we need to. It's like looking at a rainbow, the person next to you can't see the exact same rainbow you're seeing. It's all about perspective, baggage... and the spirit of revelation. Sitting on my sister and brother-in-law's floor today, watching the TV and eating bean dip... different things were communicated to me than was to Luke or to Kylee. It's not that we heard different messages, it's that we felt different promptings.

"If you are looking for a church that only requires a little, this is not the one"

That is one of my favorite quotes. I think of all I have to "give up" or not participate in because I chose to be a faithful believer in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, well guess what... I'm not sad at all. I'm not sad that I can't wear little shorts, that I can't watch rated R movies, that I will have no temptation or opportunity to get pregnant before marriage or drink a glass of wine. Sure some things may be not the biggest deal to people who aren't members of the church, for example, wine with dinner. I don't sit in my booth at a restaurant and think all these people in the bar aren't going to heaven, "all these people are alcohol addicts and will die young..." I just know that God doesn't want us to drink, so guess what... I'm not going to. You make your decisions, I'll make mine. But I don't feel trapped or sheltered because I don't live a lifestyle like everyone else, I feel free and happy. And the more and more I follow God's plan, the purer the joy is in my heart.

One of the talks that stuck out to me the most was Saturday morning session, Dallin H. Oaks talked about the importance of desire. What do we REALLY desire?

Well as of that morning, I wanted this guy to like me back already, I wanted to have food, I wanted sleep, I wanted to listen to conference, I wanted to see Luke and Kylee, I wanted to write a blog, I wanted to make Saturday night plans... 

None of these things are bad... some are great. But it's kind of like the good better best thing... where are your priorities? Getting this guy to like me back should be at the bottom of my list, while listening to conference and feeling the spirit should be at the top. 

That got me thinking of what I really desire in life?

I know what I want to do...

I want to be a Special Ed teacher.

I want to be a mother.

I want to be an amazing wife.

I want to cook healthy meals.

I want to own a house one day.

I want to travel to places I've never been.

I want this job I interviewed for.

I want to be married in the temple.

Who do I want to be?

A faithful, happy daughter of God.

A patient, loving and genuine friend, sister and parent.

So back to the point. What are my desires now vs. what should they be to reach the goals? What is most important? Obviously most important is my spiritual, physical and emotional well-being. What I need to carefully prioritize by importance. Spirituality is what I want on top, scripture study, prayer and developing Christlike attributes. Being a good family member and friend is next, but at the same time balancing school and work in there. I love to be successful and am self-motivated to do so. But lately, it's been a last minute thing... time to pick up the slack and finish strong. When it comes to my social, oh nelly, is it there. I just need to decide when homework comes first, when I deserve the play break first and most importantly right now who.

"Desired dictate priorities, priorities shape our choices, choices determine actions. Desires we act on determine our changing, achieving and our becoming"

When I change, I only want to change for the better. So I need to change my desires to fit my goal and then my actions and priorities will line up as well.

"When we have vision of what we can become... then our desire and power our power to act increase enormously. All of us face potential traps that prevent progress to eternal destiny If our righteous desires are sufficiently intense, they will motive us to cut and carve ourselves free from addictions and other sinful pressures and priorities that prevent our eternal progress. We should remember that righteous desires cannot be superficial, compulsive or temporary... they must be heartfelt, unwavering and permanent"

What I've been desiring that this talk pulled me away from, was a certain someone. It's not that he's bad... and it's not that he would corrupt or fail to recognize my long-term desires, but his do not match mine... and therefore that is a temporary desire and in no way keeps me in line with my eternal progression. 

That talk changed everything that happened the months preceding. Sometimes what you hear as an answer to your prayers isn't what you think you want. But the Lord knows better than we... and because my heart was open to change and grow from this conference, my desires were skewed in ways that were entirely unexpected. I had closure and then I had a surprising redirection all in the same day. The Lord works in mysterious ways and opens windows of opportunity with each obedient stride toward his promptings.

I have a lot of new goals from this weekend. I want to go to the temple more, I want to be more obedient, I want my temporary desires to be righteous desires directed toward eternal progression. I want to be in tune with the spirit more, serve more and be more Christlike all together. But it's not just about what I want to do, it's about who I want to be. I want to be as true with my actions as I feel in my heart.

Thank you conference for your reoccurring motivation and inspiration. I am ever so blessed to be a part of this true gospel.