Twin

I wrote this for my english class. I took out the research part of it so that it's not boring to read. Everyone who has read it up to this point as cried... including myself in the writing lab... awkward. Anyway, Enjoy!

An hour before I took my first breath of air, my best friend took hers. There we were, side by side, twenty-one inches of repulsive slime emerging into the terrifying world together. Our harmony of wails filled the room as we had our first cries together, first bath and first words. We discovered how to jump, to laugh and to smile; hand-in-hand we learned how to live. 

July 9th, 1992, not only the birth of fraternal twins, but of a sisterly bond that could never be broken. With Kylee Ann Falter, being a twin isn't just having a sister or having a best friend. The two are combined into a relationship that exceeds both. We embrace the same values, the same work ethics and the same friendships. Through every decision, hardship and challenge Kylee has been there. 

The big yellow bus screeched to a stop. Laughing and calling to each other, each of my friends made their way off the bus with me. The cars all stopped and waved us on as our backpacks bounced with each quick stride. Especially large strides expressed our excitement to see if Cinderella's mice had come. I pictured little Gus waiting there as we ran. 

Kylee and I made the perfect home on our squeaky bunk beds for these little mice to find. Whether it was our vivid imagination, or if I was truly convinced, I had a secret hope that they would smell the plastic fruit set up to lure them in. Our plans involved singing as Cinderella had. Instead of a “Cinderellee Cinderellee, night and day it's Cinderellee,” we would sing, “Lauren, Kylee, Lauren, Kylee, how I love you Lauren and Kylee.” The song's lyrical possibilities were endless. They could dance for us, sing for us, even put our hair in bows and dress us. 

We Velcro-ed each bright, hollow piece of plastic fruit together and strung it as if it were a ladder to the top bunk. 

Bursting excitement overwhelmed us as we ran through the maroon front door. Hurling our backpacks into the wall, we ran past the kitchen, past “after-school snack” and our mother, and sprinted straight to The Little Mermaid bed spread. With a big smile and wide eyes we towered over the beginning of the fruit trail and followed carefully to the dollhouse bed on the top bunk. As we found what awaited for us-or didn't, our smiles faded and our hearts sunk in disappointment. Little Gus and his friends didn't find our home after all. 

Each night Kylee and I laid in our bunk beds and we talked about our days. We'd flick things on our little sister and call each other names. We'd laugh and repeat silly words like “Osh Kosh Big Gosh.” Why was that so funny? I can't even explain it, because sitting here now, it's not funny at all. It was just something that made us laugh our guts sore. Sometimes we'd opt for the sleepover and climb into the same bed, which we decided was not comfortable at all and would end up right back in our original bed. 

On the nights we chose our own beds from the start, we'd use a different way of communication. 

“PSSSST, Kylee” 

“Yeah?” 

“Go to the crack” 

“Ok.” She'd roll into the crack, “What?” 

“Osh Kosh, Big Gosh” 

We'd burst into another giggle fit. 

The girl on the bottom bunk would go to the crack between the bed and the wall and look up. The one on the top would roll over and look down the crack. And we'd whisper things back and forth through that little gap of light from one eye to another. 

Our parents would come in multiple times to say in their scary voices, “Girls! Go to sleep!” Each time my dad's monstrous steps would make their way down the hall, we'd straighten our faces and muffle our giggles into our pillows, in a strong attempt to fake being sleep and not get caught. 

A couple minutes would go by and the silence would haunt us. Finally I'd break it with a whispered yell, “Kylee?” 

She'd angrily groan and grunt back, obviously close to sleep, “Mmmm!!??” 

“Goodnight, I love you” 

“Goodnight, I love you too,” her voice would soften. 

“Sleep tight” 

“Don't let the bed bugs bite” 

And then I would sink comfortably into the sheets, into a dream about puppies, kittens, swing sets and crushes. 

It makes life simple walking through the doors of high school with someone by your side, going to sports try-outs and always having someone to pass the ball to, and getting in awkward situations and having someone to have your back in an argument. Never being alone has given me the strength to make it to this point in my life. 

Volleyball brought some especially fun times. We were tall and our coordination hadn't met our long legs yet. We were the water girls for the varsity volleyball team, when all of a sudden they wanted us on the C-team. We were definitely in the right place at the right time because that year I fell in love with volleyball. Water girl was nothing compared to the team bonding nights, blocks, hits, games and secret sisters. 

We were terrible at first. Then, we got better. We blocked and spiked and we turned the season around for ourselves in the middle of that volleyball court. I'd walk into my science class and the teacher would always make some comment. 

“How are the twin towers?” 

Referring to the height of Kylee and myself, he made a point stronger than intended. We were like the twin towers. We were strong and tall, but if one went down, we both would.

When wearing matching Minnie Mouse jumpsuits and the same shoes started to get old, our styles changed and our personalities became unique. She got a different job, a different boyfriend and our Saturday nights were no longer always together, however, even though she is not always by my side, she’s always the influence and the support that keeps me going. She will laugh at my imperfections and accept every single part of me for what it is. 

While I am the “louder twin” and the “crazier twin” I can only devote this label to the “quieter one,” the shadow of confidence behind every bold decision I have made. As young girls we made the decision to live our life different than most, with high morals and strong values. Sometimes this is hard and a person could easily cross the line, but she is the angel on my right shoulder and the strong example that I competitively strive to be like. 

Having a twin gives the individual a special connection to someone, that cannot be found in any other bond. I do not claim to hear Kylee's thoughts or know where she is through my mind, but when she is sad, my heart goes out to her, when she is mad I have her back and when she is happy I smile. Having a twin like mine does not just give me a best friend and an extra wardrobe, it gives me someone to hold my secrets, laugh with, love with, sing with, dance with, live every day with and at the same time inspire me to be more.

October 29th, 2010 was the start of a chapter that I wasn't anticipating. It was a cold October night. I drove through the sharp autumn air and made my way speedily through the streets of Logan to the cute little home we liked to call “Grandma Hulse's.” I went inside, and there were pumpkins on the table. 

Almost instantly, a normal October night turned into a Taylor Swift fairytale, as were carving the Halloween pumpkins. Kylee put her hand in the cold gooey pumpkin and pulled out a small shiny bag from the slimy guts of this orange vegetable. Luke Maughan took a knee and asked my sister, my best friend, and my twin to be his wife. 

"How are you doing Lauren? Is it gonna be weird without her??" People who I hardly knew on the bus would ask me this question. 
 

"Ah, no I'm fine... I'm getting used to it"
 

“You've always lived with her... now you won't be... that's so weird. It must be hard”
 

Yeah, so maybe I won't be fine, thanks for rubbing it in.
 

No one in my family had ever died, the hardest thing I'd ever done was move out and that was just growing up. This was the hardest thing I'd ever experienced. It's not like your brother or sister getting married, or even just a best friend. This is the girl you have every memory with, spend every second with, leaving you.
 

I struggled. One night I wrote this: “Now, she's packing up her half of the room. I can be tough...I can put on a face and hang out with my friends all day long. I truly AM happy for her. Oh how good it would feel to be in love and be loved, to want to spend eternity with someone. ...to have that comfort and protection from a true love.
 

“I wish I was at the end of awkward first dates and heartbreaks, but I'm just at the beginning.
 

“I'm mostly sad when I'm alone in this room. I go to bed lonely wake up lonely and sometimes have to fake a smile through my day. Her getting married really hits me where it hurts. I feel like I have all these friends, but no best friend. She's not mine anymore, she's his.
 

“I'm losing the person I've always been closest to.
 

“Upon realizing how much my help in her wedding means to her, I've really been trying to help and ask to be a part of her life as much as I can while she's not a part of mine, but can you just see all day long I'm crying on the inside.
 

“I'll do whatever I can to keep her happy with me... but after all is said and done, I'm gonna be the one waking up next to an empty bed, walking to class alone... pillow talking with no one. And sometimes that hurts. A lot.
 

“I'll miss you best friend.
 

“And remember I will always love you the same” 

March 12, 2011, marked her big day. I woke up that morning around 6:00 AM. Not by choice, I could've slept a lot longer, but the bridesmaids all had to get their hair done. I went downstairs grudgingly, to get all pretty.
 

My best friend was another bridesmaid. We had a fun time sleeping on the fold out hide a bed that really felt like a rocky campsite, with springs. It wasn't the most ideal arrangements. But I had learned quickly that this week had nothing to do with what I wanted. We were all excited to get ready. Kylee got ready first and then took off to Portland. 
 

I wanted to cry. Not only was this the longest day of my life, my hair looking like a mullet, I had been crying myself to sleep for the five months past. The room smelt like burnt hair and the floor was covered in glitter and skin colored powder. If I wasn't trying to keep all the make-up that existed in the world on my face, it would've been then that I let it all out.
 

The bridesmaids and I were the drivers of all the younger siblings to the wedding. We all loaded in the suburban in our nice teal dresses and started the drive to Portland. It was rainy, we blasted some Taylor Swift and swayed through the light traffic to the beautiful temple.
 Once we were there, we just had to wait. We couldn't go in, we were just sitting in the waiting room. I was making my brother giggle in the silent room and it just felt like a normal day.
 

The temple was beautiful. It sparkled even in the dark, such an amazing, pure, white and elegant looking castle. It was time for the exit. I knew she was inside fixing her hair and dress, I just wanted to be in there helping her. We walked over to the doors that she would exit and waited. The whole family was there, the cousins, grandparents, siblings, parents, friends and all Luke's family. 
 

It was an incredible day. After all, the oldest child and grandchild and cousin, the first one in the family was getting married. She looked absolutely stunning. Most of all she looked happy. The only thing wrong with the day was the clouds in the sky pouring small rain drops down on this beautiful scene.
 

I wasn't mad, or sad, or angry; the weather could explain exactly how I felt. The sun poked through and tried to show it's comfort and happiness, but at the same time some tears escaped. For some this was the beautiful bonding of two stunning people. For me, it was that and a goodbye to everything I had known for eighteen and a half years.
 

Surrounded by everyone and gazing as my beautiful sister opened that door in the arms of her true love, I had never felt more alone.
 

I stood there and watched. Mostly, I just felt deep down every pain stabbing inside of me. Emotions were chaos in my heart, I snapped back into play and went to hug her.
 

"Congratulations Kylee Ann… Maughan" 

I drove home from Washington the following morning and that night I lay in my bed. I wanted to say, “Kylee go to the crack...” but the crack hadn't existed since grade school. I wanted to say, “Kylee?” …with no one to say, “WHAT?” 

I replayed the scenes from our childhood bunk-beds. 
 

“Goodnight, I love you,” I whispered in my heart.
 

And even though she was enjoying the company of someone else that night, I knew that no matter what, she'd always love me. She'd always understand. She'd always be my best friend, my twin. 

Twin. It's not just having someone at your age to live all these memories with; it's not just a series of events happening together from childhood; it's not sitting around a campfire and sharing stories, as if old high school friends. Around a twin, most things are left unsaid and still perfectly understood. 

Two babies born together from a mother's womb, cannot even begin the describe the complex and amazing relationship between twins. Twin: an emotional bond between sisters, deep within the heart that can never be destroyed or altered. Through the playground days, college road trip days and even wedding days, the ultimate friendship and understanding of a twin survives every trial, separation and change.