Head High

A beautiful day is the medicine to cure all your troubles. Here I am, not knowing what I'm supposed to learn, who I'm supposed to meet, to fall in love with, who I'm supposed to help, who's going to make major impacts on my life. I'm stepping blindly into everyday with the faith that He will help me make it all happen. 

I pray out loud in my room at night and sometimes I just cry out in defeat, "Heavenly Father... I don't know what I'm supposed to do..." "Heavenly Father, can you show me what I'm supposed to learn from this...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE" Sometimes I really just am to the breaking point... a sad love song could instigate a fire hydrant of tears from my eyes. I'm not crying over a broken heart... I'm just crying because I feel like I'm at a stand still... and sometimes just don't know what the next step is.

Lately I've just been getting in these pathetic situations. And I'll be honest, it's mostly concerning guys... what else is new?? How many times will I think I have this awesome chemistry with a guy and they're basically looking at the hot girl behind me... I have to partly blame them for being oblivious jerks, seems to be in the nature of a man, but partly blame myself as well... for getting my hopes high enough to crush, every stinkin' time. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

And everything you want seems to happen just the opposite. Every one you want to notice you is going after the girl next door. So not only are you invisible, shunned to the friend zone or denied... you get to just sit and watch what you're missing from the balcony outside apartment four... well at least that's where I sit witnessing it. 

I'm done being the chaser.... until I realize in a month that no one is going to be chasing me... then I'm back to the hunt. It's exhausting, discouraging, kinda comical HAHA... and it really had me frustrated last week. Then I went to Idaho and ever since I came back... the sun has been up.

When the sun is up, life's good.

I can be spaz at work... have the best days ever there. Come home... be made fun of by William and Mitch, or just basically whoever for also thinking I'm weird. But if I'm constantly getting those comments from people... (which it has been going all week), that's confirmation to me, that I'm being myself. That's all I need.

Life's good when you can be yourself even when nothing's working out your way.

I enjoy just having energy to have fun, to laugh, to go on adventures. If I just pray, believe and walk with my head high, I know that will stay around. And that is when I will have a kick butt summer... sun or no sun. This is MY summer.