Ring

At first it was a promise. And then it was just a ring. Now it is just a shrunken outline on the ring finger of the hand that held it for over nine months. A lot has changed in nine months. That ring represented two and a half years. Two and half years that I couldn't just take off. They changed my life. They taught me love, trust, communication. They taught me how to love and to be loved, they taught me to feel confident and beautiful, they taught me to serve and care for loved ones. The two and a half years ended, but the ring and memories remained. I never let go of the "perfect" relationship I had, the one hope I had that the guys I associated with weren't all dishonest or deceiving. The one hope with proof that someone could love me enough. 

And then one day, even after defending, reminiscing, re-visiting and cherishing those memories and experiences, my entire trust is skewed, perspective is twisted and I still don't know what is the truth, what is the problem… what happened.

All I know is. I'm done holding on. It's like forcing myself to not eat the last chocolate chip cookie, it's like forcing myself to walk to work, not things that I necessarily enjoy doing, but once I do have that self control and after the decision is carried through, there have been no regrets.

My finger feels naked. My trust feels broken. But, I have faith that it'll all work out.

Take a leap of faith. Look forward with an eternal perspective. Pray, live, laugh, love KNOWING that Heavenly Father is wiser than I, and that everything happens for a reason that I will one day know.

I'm waiting around for something to happen. And it hasn't. I'm looking at each person, each situation, each choice and hoping this could be the one that leads to bigger events and more permanent situations, but no. Life is forever changing. Choices keep appearing. My future is a mystery. And I am learning patience.