Not That Girl

And so it goes. You move in and good get the new reputations, you get a new job and you have to re-identify who you are for everyone. At first I get in these sticky situations, the long training meetings, the strangers living next door and I just appear like the shy girl next door… that's basically a fear of mine, not being able to express who I am in some situations as quickly as I'd like to. Reading the the HR rule book doesn't exactly let you be yourself. But I have conquered the first weeks of change once again. And it's starting to get easier. I have never been more quickly 100% myself in this short of time. 

People know I'm crazy, they know I'm weird, they are starting to figure out how I function. And hopefully, they see the things that are most important to me. There have been the jokes about how many people I kiss or how often, the getting to know you questions that involve your history of guys, but I can guarantee that is not the defining characteristics of who I am. And the answers to those questions won't get you any closer to who I am. What I've done, does not describe who I am. 

Freshmen year is over. I'm done wasting my breathe on guys who don't treat me right. I'm done wasting my time, my energy or my emotions on people who don't respect me. And so it goes. I wrote a song for this one after my last episode a little over a month ago. But it can basically describe every guy I have had a relationship with since college has begun. I'm over that. And I have been for a long time now. 

Not That Girl 

You can take my time, my words and my tears, 

You can take my trust and prove my fears, 

You can play me hard and emotions will escape, 

But I will disappear without one scrape, 

I'm not that girl, so don't think you know me, 

I'm not living for you, and that's not how it's gonna be, 

Take your little smirk, your intentions and your ego, 

Enough of your disgusting game, I'mma find a new boy, 

I may be naive, but don't try to trick me, 

You told her the same thing, you thought I couldn't see... 

My heart may be fragile, life might seem hard, 

Your turn is over, that means discard, 

I'm not that girl, so don't think you know me, 

I'm not living for you, and that's not how it's gonna be, 

Take your little smirk, your intentions and your ego, 

Enough of your disgusting game, I'mma find a new boy, 

You were a mistake, but don't think I regret, 

Exactly what I'd never want, now how could I forget, 

I'm not that girl, so don't think you know me, 

I'm not living for you, and that's not how it's gonna be, 

Take your little smirk, your intentions and your ego, 

Enough of your disgusting game, I'mma find a new boy, 

You can take my hand, go back to the start, 

But you don't know the first thing about my heart 


<3 


This is my second song. I know I'm no amazing song writer, but I love it. My other song can be found here: To Heal My Heart.

As I told Randall and John, I turned over a new leaf… and it's been over for a while. As I tell my friends of late, I'm on a fast. And as Kylee Geisler and I have our girl talk… it's been easier to have support and a second opinion in deciding who's worth my time and who I deserve. That's not the main goal. I'm not rushing the hunt.