What Was I Thinkin'

"I know what I was feeling

But what was I thinking"

Do you ever those kind of moments? I definitely do. And it seems like all you can do after is listen to some country tunes and get rid of your blues.

Some people call it the Taylor Swift kind of day. 

Story of my life.

But right now there's another country song on my mind: "What was I thinkin'?"

Sometimes feelings overpower what you're thinking.

You don't think about what's going to happen.

Or think about why you should or shouldn't do something. or say something.

Or just justify what is going to happen, with an "oh well" attitude.

Or your thinking is just skewed with the thought, 

that doing whatever it is you're doing will be different from the last time.

And you go against everything you are, for something you want right then.

Everything you've worked hard to be. Gone.

When that leaves a lot of people, not even wanting you.

Well, my flipping bad...
I am honestly sorry that the Lauren yesterday,
blew it for the Lauren today. Again.

I really learned this time though.

To think. And to listen. And I know I've actually learned.

Because I had someone good enough this time to teach me.

(I fell in that body of water the other day... so its a good picture to illustrate the point that I make mistakes. Tehehe.)

I am thankful for the trials put in my life.

And as crazy as it sounds, I am thankful for the mistakes I make.

Because I can come out of them better than before.

And that is because I have a Savior who atoned for my sins 

and understands my weaknesses.

And I am humbled to know that I am not perfect.

That I have a long way to go.

And that it is possible through Him who strengthens me.

<3

Monday I woke up happy.

Went to both jobs. Went to both class. 

Two hours in the library. Even made it to the gym.

Visited the guy who lifts me up even when I'm already happy: Chauncy.

And made it in bed by eleven.

Monday I went to bed happy.

Tuesday I woke up happy.

And so it goes.

I am happy to be alive.

Happy that I am given free-agency, 

to truly make the choices that define who I am.

And change the ones that don't. 

I am amazed at the beauty in living this life every single day.