It's been a long time since I've blogged. And it's been really hard for me to even think of what to say. Sometimes life is really hard. Sometimes life really rocks and sometimes even when life is hard, you know it still rocks.
Here's one issue to get off the chest.
Even when the night has potential to be so amazing, there's just sometimes those little things building up sadness, anger, guilt, confusion in the pit of your stomach or stinging your heart. It can be about friends, it can be about classes (though, I don't care enough about those to ruin a good weekend), it can be about family, something you did wrong, something you want to have happen… something that isn't going as you wish it was.
I had one of the most fun choices of date for the IWA dance on friday, Brad! It was a ton of fun to be with him and dance it up at the dance, go out to eat, fall asleep on the drive after… watch the first snowfall and just dress up for something special. I am so glad I asked him and so glad that he agreed to go. Because he is someone who is just so fun to be around. :)
Only problem was, it wasn't enough to clear up reality that awaited for me at home.
You see sometimes, you don't think the problem is you and something they don't think the problem is them. And sometimes you know the problem is both of you, but they still think it's you. And sometimes people will argue just to get a reaction, to prove something to themselves, to prove something to their friends, that they can stand up to you… that they can show you who's boss…. but does that really show you who's boss? I hate confrontation, especially when I have nothing to say. When I haven't built up some speech or rebuttal, but when I'm just thrown into a bash on me. How am I supposed to react? Calmly? Oh yes… that's what Jesus would do and I will admit that if I tried, I could definitely have done a lot better. But I am not slow to anger when I'm in a situation that is impossible to have my feelings or side considered objectively. And when that happens, I'm done. Over it. Through.
I am learning a lot about people.
More and more everyday.
Don't argue with someone for the sake of arguing. Don't fight with someone because you want to be right. I don't want to do that to someone… if I think about more than my present feelings, I'll realize I cared more about the person than the argument. I think that's the biggest thing I learn from my parents' relationship. They are in love, head over heels. And when one might think the other is in the wrong, they will take ownership of their mistake (even if it wasn't one) and shake it off. Their relationship matters more than their pride. Their love and friendship with each other matters more than being right.
I handle things the wrong way sometimes, a lot really and am in no way perfect. I sometimes know when I'm walking on egg shells, and sometimes I intentionally STOMP on egg shells. But sometimes I just feel like I'm trapped in an unjust situation that won't resolve unless you really make it obvious what the problem is.
I'm rambling. Venting, must get it out. I must write all the wrong I've done down, in order to get the point of it. And that's why I blog. Yes, I love readers and your feed back, but really I just need to get it off my chest in every way I can before I can see the good. Out of every bad situation comes the good. What can I learn?
1. Don't confront someone with the purpose of being right or making them mad, confront them with the purpose of understanding the tension and improving the friendship
2. Not everyone can like everything about everyone else. That's life.
3. I have the best friend in the whole world Kylee Anna Geisler, who corrects me when I'm wrong, but is pretty much always on the same page.
4. If you're going be the outspoken one in a group of people thinking the SAME thing, you're going to get the wrath and they're going to get the compliments.
That's the price you pay for change.
I love this quote even when I do the stupidest things and don't follow it.
Say what you mean and MEAN what you say.
No one is perfect, but we should all be improving.
Everyday I try. Everyday I tell myself BE BETTER LAUREN. Be better.
I was down and out when all this came crashing down.
I'm blessed. I've got a great family. The best friends ever. I love my jobs and the feeling of happiness I have leaving them. My classes aren't the worst thing ever. I have hopes and dreams. I just am happy. Even with nothing giant happening in my life… with little daily trials like destroying my tire with glass... I am just happy.
:) -- I feel happy inside. -- :)
I am constantly studying and working and busy. I am constantly dealing with problems in my home that shouldn't exist. I am feeling the power of satan in my life, masking the love that I wish was everywhere. We all can't cry rainbows and butterflies… and that's part of living, one of the challenges of life.
I know now more than ever, that when the guy I always want to pour my feelings to is with a girl, when the girl I need to keep me sane is asleep, when some people just can't understand every aspect to help… that I can kneel down and cry my heart out to the one man who will always know how I feel, comfort me, listen to me, understand me and who will inspire me to change for the better. Sometimes I am bombarded with the wrong attitude, when things don't work out… and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes the bend of the knees and all discouragement is gone. It doesn't matter that another couple is engaged, that one of my best friends hates me, that I'm struggling in some classes… what matters is that I'm going to make it through it all and that God knows me. He loves me. He cares about me. And I can be happy no matter what challenges are in my path.
Shout-out to the most amazing woman I know!
My mother. Even miles apart, she is looking out for her daughter and through her words and actions shows me how much she loves me. She helped me conquer one of life's trials today because she was thoughtful enough to sacrifice her time and that meant so much to me. I love her.
No comments:
Post a Comment